I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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