In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
