I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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