Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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