I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
