Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
