haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
