I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
