Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
