shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
