he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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