so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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