Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
