I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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