you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
