yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
