My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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