he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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