we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
