Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
