My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
