Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
