loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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