That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
