this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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