Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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