You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
