And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Couch. On fire.
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