Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
