Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
