You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
