Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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