Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Panties = found
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
