She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
