If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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