Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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