the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
