U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
