well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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