I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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