Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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