I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
