you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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