I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
