I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
