he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
