Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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