At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
