My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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