You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
