Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
