i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
