Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
