Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
