She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
