I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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