So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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