I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
