So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
