spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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