new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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