I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
