She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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