So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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