I wish I could punch you in the face.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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