After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
