you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
