I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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