I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
