Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
