Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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