He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
