Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
