im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drunk is not a location!
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