11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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