i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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