my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
