Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
