I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
