i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
