he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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